Books and beyond

When I’m bored I sometimes start cross-pollinating various titles of books, movie, songs, and television shows and then imagine what the new plot might be. For example, I’d very much like to watch “Gilligan’s Island of Dr. Moreau.” I can also imagine Mister Kurtz singing about drag racing in Springsteen’s “Heart of Darkness on the Edge of Town.”

Combining The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo  and How to Train Your Dragon  creates an interesting mix. But “How to Train Your Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” sounds a little too racy and misogynist for me.

I’m not into plays too much, but I’d probably go see “Who’s Afraid of Virginia Beowulf.” The audience will go wild when Martha unexpectedly tears off George’s arms.

I didn’t like either Like Water for Chocolate or Water for Elephants,  but what about “Like Water for Chocolate Elephants”? Or perhaps that should be “Like Water for Chocolate for Elephants”? Or we could even go with “Like Chocolate Water for Elephants.” Who doesn’t like chocolate water? Isn’t that what Yoo-Hoo is?

Tolkien is far too serious. How about adding some song and dance numbers and calling it “The Return of the King and I”? It could go Broadway.

Like Russian literature such as Gogol’s novel, Dead Souls ?  Like zombie movies like Night of the Living Dead ?  Yeah, you know where I’m going with this one. I won’t even bother.

But what about Shakespeare? So much more enjoyable when you throw in a crazed murderer. Yes, I’m thinking of “Henry V: Portrait of a Serial Killer.” Or if you believe Shakespeare would be better mixed with a of memoir about living in Africa, I bet “Don’t Hamlets Go to the Dogs Tonight” would be a really great read. Or maybe not. Got some title combo ideas of your own? Let me hear about them.